UnBeavleaveable…

The Messiah Beavers still haven’t won a game this year in case you’re wondering. You can contribute it to any number of things – lack of practice, lack of fundamental skills, lack of team cohesiveness, lack of T-Shirts, lack of youth, lack of experience, lack of fan support. Who knows?

Fact of the matter is that the Beavers have dropped 7 straight and have been mercied in approximately half of those. If there’s any chance for the Beavers to do some damage in the post-season, changes are going to need to be made immediately.

For starters, getting a full roster for a game out of the 23 men who signed up could prove beneficial. As it is this season we’ve been forced to play either short-handed or accept dudes with iridescent socks who walk up off the street.

The frustrations are mounting and the team is getting restless, starting to point fingers. Reached for comment, veteran Mark Scheuffele gave evidence of this,

“The Vicar was slapping at the ball like a girl. Girl softball players slap at the ball. We don’t do that on the Beavers. We are men. We don’t slap at the ball. Girls slap at softballs. The Vicar was slapping at the ball like a girl.”

MKS.com caught up with the The Vicar, who was visibly distraught by the back-biting. “Okay. Apparently I have ceased to be a man.”

Player/Coach Dave Ewerdt has been perhaps the most outraged by the recent lackluster performances. Never one to hide his emotions, in a Lou Piniella-like tirade on Sunday, he had this to say, “Yeah, I haven’t really had any dinner yet, so I’m just hoping we can get back before Spangles closes.”

Harsh words from the general that will hopefully jolt some life back into his troops.

Current Disabled List:

Player – injury – time projected for recovery

Haase – elbow, ankle, hairline – day to day
Pastor Rockhoff – pretty much everything below the mouth – the glorified Resurrection
Roger – puss-secreting knee abrasion – ready to play
Scheuffele – pulled groin –he’ll play through it, but we’ll hear about it
Greg Lambertson – knees – waiting on Bizarro Greg transplant
The Vicar – mild sun burn – nothing a little aloe can’t cure
Jeremy – nerdiness – “can’t play till I finish my tests fellas”

Spotlight Player of the Week: Jon Haase

Acquired: from Michigan District in May of ’06.
Nickname(s): The Haasenator, KamaHaase, Haasama Jon Laden, Drew Gooden, Genghis Jon
Position: 2nd Base
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Averages: .275, 0 HR, 5 RBI
Strength: Making routine plays seem unnecessarily difficult
Weakness: Keeping the ladies away
In His Spare Time: Engineering, Vicar’s Computer Hero, Church Trustee de Jour, Hangin’, Prison Break (Mondays on Fox)